Effective Communication

Do You Make This Mistake When Talking To People?

Did you know that Harry Houdini, the famous escape artist, once failed to escape from an unlocked box?His own mind created the reality that kept him confined when in fact he was only seconds from freedom.The same is true for you and I.

We live in a world of self-imposed limitations. For the most part false belief systems prevent you from being yourself with the people you meet on a day to day basis.Deep down you may believe that it is safer to stay out of the way because that you´ll avoid the criticism, rejection and resistance of others.

While this may be true in a a few cases most people are just like you and I. All they want is to be friendly and to enjoy the company of other decent people like you.

But, your self-imposed limiting beliefs stop you from being yourself. By trying to blend in with the crowd you lose your personality and may even become uninteresting. It becomes an effort dealing with you.All because you are hiding your true nature...

Don´t you ever wish you could be more yourself? Imagine no longer having to pretend to be someone you are not. And imagine feeling comfortable saying what you really think instead of what you think you should be saying.

How can you unlock the door to better relationships? How can you expand your circle of friends? And, how can you start to be yourself regardless of what other people might say?

The secret has very little to do with the words you speak and a great deal to do with how you handle so called negative emotions. You need to use uncomfortable feelings as signals and opportunities to grow.Let me give you an example.

Let´s say I meet someone and I find myself overly concerned with winning approval. The clutching feeling in my stomach is a signal. It does not mean avoid the person it means let go of wanting approval and do so right away.If I don´t drop this needing approval I know what will happen next.

I may start to get overly concerned about what I am going to say AND how I say it. Next, I could get nervous and start worrying about making a bad impression.And before I know it my mind could go blank and I might be standing there stuck for words. All because one negative emotional state got out of control.You´ll notice that the negative thoughts can produce the unwanted reaction in the other person.

If I become tense and needy it is much more likely the other person will not give me approval.Let this be a lesson to you - catch these heavy emotions as soon as you spot them because negative emotion builds very quickly until it is much more difficult to pull yourself back together again.The same applies to worries about rejection.

If it gets out of control what you fear may well appear. The fear that you might be rejected causes you to make a bad impression.You get tense and make the other person nervous. Before you know it he or she wanders off and you are left on your own feeling rejected.

Communication is very much like an ice berg in that 90% of effective communication has nothing to do with words. Once you master your emotional state it is easy to play the body language game.When you feel relaxed, playful and at ease talking to people you´ll have fun matching and mirroring.

In fact, you´ll find that a lot of the time others are following your lead.

Why?

Because when you feel great regardless of how the other person responds you give off a relaxed confidence that draws people in. They then follow your lead.Of course the most limiting emotional state of all is fear.

When you are fearful you give off different vibes andbecause you are avoiding people they tend to avoid you.And this is why you must identify and let go of yourconversation fear - the fear that stops you from enjoyingthe company of others.

posted by Indira Bandari @ 8:37 PM