Effective Communication

What To Do When People Don´t Listen To You

Whether you like it or not sometimes people will ignore you
or pretend they are listening to you when they are not. As
you know this can be very frustrating.

So what can you do?

The first thing to remember is that there is no point in
continuing to do what is not working. If what you are doing
is ineffective take a moment to accept that fact.

Shift your focus away from pushing to be heard and instead
get creative and ask yourself...

How can I attract attention?

Here are 4 great ideas for attracting attention when you
want to be listened to:

1. Speak more softly

This sounds counter intuitive but can be highly effective
if you had attention initially . Think about it. When
someone is speaking and you cannot hear what is being said
doesn´t that arouse your curiosity?

Of course it does!

And most people will ask you to speak up as long as they
are not preoccupied doing something else. The secret is to
speak with enthusiasm and energy but very softly. This can
ignite an intense urgent curiosity that forces the other
person to pay very close attention to you.

When you speak more softly the other person has no choice -
she must pay close attention to you. This is a great way to
take control of the conversation.

2. Stop talking

If the other person is pretending to listen to you it is
good to stop talking. Stop and wait to see how the other
person reacts.

Let the silence linger until he encourages you to resume.
If he says nothing at all you can then ask for feedback on
what you said.

This puts the other person under pressure to start paying
more attention to what you are saying.

3. Create a diversion

When the other person is clearly not paying attention it is
good to break that pattern by creating a diversion. This
can take many forms such as asking for input, saying
something controversial or doing something silly.

For example you could ask an unusual question that forces
someone to pay attention and respond in some way. Maybe out
of the blue you ask someone: what is your favorite flavor
of ice cream?

Yes, it has nothing to do with the ongoing conversation and
for this reason it breaks the pattern - you are speaking
and the other person is not really paying attention.

Once you recapture attention you can then get back on
topic. Obviously you need to be careful with this concept
and adapt it to the context and people you are talking to.

4. Vary volume, tempo and tone

When you add variety to the way you are expressing yourself
it is very hard to ignore you. It´s like when you hear good
music it forces you to listen because of the variance in
tempo, rhythm and tone. The same applies to speaking in an
interesting way.

Play with emphasizing key words, pause for dramatic effect
and talk more quickly or more slowly to keep the other
person paying attention.

It takes a little practice to get this right and when you
do people will find it very difficult to not give you their
undivided attention.

Developing these people skills may require some work and
dedication, depending on the extent of help you need. One
of the most important parts of being a "people person" is
to be a positive thinker who is optimistic, motivated and
projects a positive image and attitude.

You should work every day to send out positive and creative
signals to others by your words, actions and body language.
The way you act can have either a negative or positive
impact on others as well as yourself.

If you want to succeed in both your personal and
professional life, or further develop your people skills,
it is crucial to change from a pattern of destructive,
negative thoughts to positive, creative thinking.

Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a
way to increase your people skills.

posted by Indira Bandari @ 8:42 PM