Say Adios to the Fear of Rejection
Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach when you have to approach someone? In situations like these, does your mind go blank?This is not unusual.
That feeling is often the fear of rejection. When you feel afraid your emotions take over, you feel tense and your ability to think logically vanishes into thin air.And that is why you can talk to close friends without a care in the world but never know what to say when you meet new people. i.e. emotions cloud your thinking.What is the answer to this challenge?You need to take charge of your fear of rejection.
This is a very involved matter and too complex for me to cover properly in an email so for today I can only give you some simple tips to point you in the right direction...
- Imagine the worst case scenario.Run it through in your mind. How will you handle rejection if it does happen? Our fears often take on a life of their own.However when you can stop for a moment and plan in advance, whatever does happen is usually not so bad after all. Once you accept this you will feel more relaxed and better able to deal with what does happen.
- Decide what rejection meansWhen we react emotionally to rejection we can usually come up with some awful reasons why people reject us, such as:- People dislike me- I am a failure- I am not worthy of their approval- I am not good with peopleThese limiting thoughts are only making things worse for you. And the strange thing is that only you can choose what rejection means for you.Meaning is a choice so why not choose more empowering meanings?
- Such as:- I need to change my approach- I can get better by learning a better way- He is having a bad day and is too busy to talk
- Decide what rejection really means before it happens and you will feel a lot better about yourself if it does happen
Why People Skills Matter So Much
Are you a "people person?"
If not, you should be, and now's the time to learn some people skills to help you endear yourself to others by listening carefully, watching body language and then conveying your own thoughts in a thoughtful and respectful manner.
You have a right to expect that certain feelings such as love should be evident in human behavior. Sadly, that's not always the case, as some people, maybe you, have difficulty in expressing their true feelings to another.If you've determined that your relationship with another person is worth developing because of otherwise good rapport, it is time to learn some new people skills.
It's never too soon to begin learning people skills to attract and keep people in your life. Learn to quit arguing and begin communicating instead; you'll find that good people skills can make a difference in your personal, social and work environment.Armed with good people skills, you can learn to negotiate on some issues and compromise on others to the satisfaction of everyone concerned.
Sometimes what goes unsaid can relay as much of an impact of what is said. When you stay silent on issues that really matter to you (such as a spouse who does nothing to help around the house even though you both work) you may think you're being a good partner, but the downside of keeping silent is that depression, anger and disillusionment may set in to further complicate matters.Research has shown that men are sometimes more reluctant than women to keep their feelings and thoughts bottled up inside.
For some men, keeping silent is a form of control over another person.By not saying anything at all the other person must guess at what the partner is thinking. For other men, silence is not a strategy but a shortcoming because they do not have good people skills.Historically, women were brought up to protect, nurture and put other's needs before their own. Thus, they protect their mate from their negative feelings by remaining silent.Even when silence is theoretically used in a good way i.e. to protect another, depression may be a likely result. You must have good people skills to encourage trust and respect for and from others.A lack of trust can come from your own insecure feelings or from bad behavior by another person. Your expectations of others may be out of sync with reality.
Bad vibes from a previous relationship may dampen trust in another person.Regardless of the reasons for mistrust, your words and actions will be affected in a negative manner until you learn the necessary people skills that foster good relationships.Developing your people skills may require some work and dedication, depending on the extent of help you need. One of the most important parts of being a "people person" is to be a positive thinker who is optimistic, motivated and projects a positive image and attitude.You should work every day to send out positive and creative signals to others by your words, actions and body language.The way you act can have either a negative or positive impact on others as well as yourself.
If you want to succeed in both your personal and professional life, or further develop your people skills, it is crucial to change from a pattern of destructive, negative thoughts to positive, creative thinking.Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a way to increase your people skills. You can change your life and now is the time to start.
Communicating with confidence can be learned...
Although some people fear otherwise, exceptional people skills can be learned by anyone of at least average intelligence.The difficulties you had in the past will not stop you making rapid progress now. What matters is learning a proven approach you can use for the rest of your life.
Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Talking to People?
Here are three common mistakes together with tips on how to deal with them:
- Judging Your performance Against Unrealistic StandardsBe honest with yourself. Accept that where you are now in terms of your communication skills is only your starting point - not your finishing point.And assess your performance and your progress against your typical level of effectiveness. Not against some desired state of perfection or ultimate goal.Goals are very important as a destination to aim for but do not use long term goals as a standard to judge your current performance against - that is a recipe for disillusionment and massive frustration.
- The Failure To Learn Each DayAs people we can be lazy. This means that a lack of follow through on our goals can go unnoticed. After all we can always catch up some other day.This attitude will kill your dreams faster than you can spell failure.
- Attempting To Be OriginalMany years ago I put myself under huge pressure by expecting myself to be original with each person I met. This is a sure-fire strategy for failure and a great way to get stressed out for no reason.Guess what I later discovered?There is no need to be original. You can have the same conversation all day long with different people and nobody will suspect a thing! People are happy to talk about mundane topics because there is no effort involved.
