You Have Permission To Be Yourself
It is not unusual to hear from someone who is clearly not only intelligent and well educated but also a genuinely nice person.Why then does a person like this sometimes have difficulty speaking up and making good conversation?
Why does someone who has abundant talent and ability fail when it comes to making a great impression with others?
I believe the answer is simply this -- thoughtful people hesitate much too much and wait for permission to be themselves.
However....You don´t need to live like this any longer unless you really want to! I suggest that starting today you decide to allow yourself to be as you are and let other people get used to that fact.Be polite and as sociable as you like but do not wait for permission or approval before expressing your opinions. Simply find a suitable moment in the conversation and dive in.
If others do not agree with you then so be it.You are still entitled to not only have an opinion but to express it in your own way. The more you get used to not caring if people like what you say or agree with you the more freedom you will feel.And the more freedom you express the more others will tend to accept both you and your input.
You see, when you apologetically offer an opinion your non-verbal communication sets you up for criticism.Your lack of confidence gives the game away. The secret is to speak up with certainty. Say what you want with conviction - never ask for or wait for permission to be yourself and to express yourself.
And if you can also express yourself without needing approval your confidence will soar. When you remain emotionally detached from the outcome of the conversation, making conversation gets very, very easy.Why is this the case?Because all your self-imposed performance anxiety disappears and you find yourself enjoying the moment.
This is why I like to remind people to drop Conversation Fear -- those anxieties and concerns form the road block on your journey to better relationships, a better social life and greater happiness.
What Makes the Difference?
On a warm spring afternoon, fifteen years ago, two young men graduated from the same college. They were similar in many ways...
Like all diligent, hard working students they had also enjoyed time off to play sport and to have fun with their friends. And they were both very excited about the bright future that lay ahead.Fifteen years later they met.
They were still alike in many ways. Both had a good family life, a comfortable home and they both had a little gray hair! But there was a difference.
One of the men is now a victim of his own success - he is running as fast as he can and still he cannot keep up with the mountain of work that lands on his desk each day.All day long his staff and his superiors make demands of him he cannot say no to and at home he is at the mercy of the whims of his family. He feels taken for granted and unappreciated.
On the other hand. The second man is in charge of his own business and works as many or as few hours as he pleases each day. People look up to him, respect him and enjoy spending time with him. At home, his opinions are valued and his needs respected.
What made the difference?
Have you ever wondered how two seemingly successful people can be so different in how they get to the top and in how they stay at the top?
One person struggles day after day and claws his way to the top of success mountain - while another strolls along in his own good time enjoying the view as he goes.
The difference lies in how you relate to people. There is an easy way and a hard way. The hard way means people take you for granted, they do not really listen to you and all too often they treat you as no more than a resource they can use to get what they want.
On the other hand, the easy way means you feel respected and deeply appreciated. When you talk people listen and when you approach people they respond positively to your requests.Which do you prefer - the easy way or the hard way?Knowledge is Power.
Three Essential Elements --The easy way to superior people skills is made up of three key elements and verbal communication skills make up only one of those essential elements.
And no I am not talking about body language. I take it you already know how to mirror and match posture.With the system that has worked so well for me and for scores of people around the world - you will discover these three elements and how to quickly and easily master people skills for the rest of your life.If you have struggled before it is because you only paid attention to communication skills. That is fine if you are aiming for average.
Now is the time to become exceptional.Why not develop exceptional people skills? If you can follow simple step-by-step instructions you can move ahead very quickly.Think about it for a moment...Why do you want to get along better with other people? What are the most important reasons why you want to improve this aspect of your life? What have you missed out on by neglecting this crucial skill?
3 Great Tips For Dealing With Negative People
It can take skill to deal effectively with negative people. Make sure you are ready for the challenge by reading and using these tips.
- Don´t Believe Everything You Hear! -- With close friends and family it is not unusual to think that you ought to take onboard everything you hear. However do not confuse caring with knowing. Just because someone is concerned for your welfare does not mean that their advice or input has value.For example, I know a lot about peak performance. I do not know much about car maintenance. If I ever offer you advice on rebuilding a car engine run as fast as you can!My input would have little or no value. Likewise with friends and family. They may be negative about you, your plans and your opinions simply because they lack the knowledge to think positively about the situation.Their ignorance causes them to fear for your welfare. Distinguish between caring and the knowledge to offer worthwhile input.
- Let Go Of Needing Their Approval --- As long as you must have the permission, approval and acceptance of your peers you are a victim of their limiting beliefs.You must let go of wanting approval if you are to ever have peace of mind.
- Eliminate Your Own Negative Thoughts -- Often friends reflect back the negatives you quietly hold inside your own mind. If you were 100 per cent positive about your life and your plans it would not matter if people close to you were negative.In fact their negative comments might even make you laugh because their opinions would seem so absurd to you. You can become more positive by reading books that expand your knowledge and understanding, spending more time with positive, dynamic people and by stretching yourself daily.
By stretching I mean challenging yourself to perform better than your previous best. When you make stretching to be more part of your life, your belief in what is possible grows and grows at a furious pace.Before long you will not have room for negative thoughts.
Choose to find a positive in all things and it quickly becomes a habit that will transform your experience of life.I am always asking myself:-- what is good about this?-- what is great about this?-- what have I learned from this that makes me stronger?Ask yourself the right questions and redirect your mind back onto the positive.
How To Get The Respect And Appreciation You Deserve
If you have ever tired to win the respect and approval of others you know how difficult it can be. Especially when people are not responsive, causing you to feel anxious and even more nervous.
What typically happens next is that you perform poorly because you feel tense. You fail to express yourself as well as you can so others do not see you in the best light.
This of course is not a good recipe for winning respect and appreciation. What can you do to create a favorable impression in the eyes of those you want to impress?
- Relax when meeting people - This is easier said than done unless you know how to quickly relax even in difficult situations. The ability to relax when under pressure is an essential skill that allows you to be at your best whenever you need to be.When you feel relaxed you will quickly and easily keep the conversation flowing, you won´t worry about making mistakes and you´ll find it easier to think of interesting things to say. Imagine how good that will feel!Feeling relaxed enables you to enjoy the moment, to pay closer attention to whoever you are talking to and to drop those nagging feelings of self-consciousness.Instant relaxation is the secret to effortlessly making conversation on a broad range of topics without worrying about saying the wrong thing.
- Don´t beg for respect - A common mistake is to be overly nice in the hope of earning respect. This approach never works. The harder you try to impress the more desperate you will seem.The best way to earn respect is to start by respecting yourself. Positive self-talk, affirmations and visualization all go a long way towards building a sense of pervasive self-esteem that others pick up on.The more you respect yourself, the better other people will treat you. Why? Because your posture, the way you talk and you entire presence will change for the better when you feel better about yourself.Others merely reflect back how you treat yourself. When you change your behavior other people respond by changing how they interact with you.When you have more self-respect for some strange reason whoever you talk to will pick up on it and start showing you more respect.
- Respect and appreciate the other person - The more you choose to like and appreciate the person you are talking to the more that person will warm to you. When you exude interest, when you really listen to the other person and especially when you compliment that person you encourage a favorable response from them.
People feel obligated to return good treatment with more of the same. You will notice more compliments, genuine interest in you and even delight when you give of these qualities first.So remember to give what you want to get!
Doing so can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first if you are used to letting others do most of the talking. You need to get used to speaking up and even leading the conversation if you are to create an environment of mutual respect and appreciation.
This is a very important distinction - if you do not make this change in how you deal with people you will never be more than a relatively passive observer of the conversations unfolding before you.
The Real Reason People Skills Are So Important
Many people recognize the importance of superior people skills as a means to get ahead, to be successful and to be effective in the world.
However there is a far more important reason to develop great people skills. True happiness depends on your ability to form healthy mutually supportive relationships with people you care about.
This applies at home, socially and at work.Consider those who have happy, full lives. What do they have in common? Money? Good looks? Career success?
Although desirable, none of those attributes are essential for a happy life.Happy people get on very well with other people...
Truly happy people share the ability to deal with people from all walks of life and have a knack for making others like them. They are likeable people and others enjoy their company and want to hear what they have to say.The more you develop this ability to relate well to the people in your day-to-day life the happier you will be.
Why is this true?Because surrounding yourself with people who like and care about you is the best way to boost your self-esteem. It is also the only sure fire way to both enjoy the journey and deal with the ups and downs of life.
Consider this question: what do the happiest moments in your life have in common?For most of us these special moments involved other people - people we enjoy being with just for the fun of spending time with them. If these same memories had happened without them you might not even recall the moment.
It is this special human connection with great people that is the source of the fun, the laughter and the happiness. And of course, the more often we have these connections the happier we feel.Want even more happiness?
Well, you know what to do... create more special moments by developing such good people skills that happy moments become part of how you live rather than occasional and random happenings.Although some people fear otherwise, people skills can be learned by anyone of at least average intelligence.
How To Drop Futile Communication Patterns
Have you ever noticed that you make the very same mistakes again and again when dealing with people?
I like to refer to this as... the futility of repeating what does not work! And we all fall into this trap to some degree. We become so used to not being able to do something that we think it cannot be done.Let´s say you find it difficult to start conversations with complete strangers. You tried before and you didn´t do very well.
And because you failed a few times you start to dread such encounters, avoid them and even find ways to ensure you rarely have to deal with these types of situations.What are the consequences of this approach?
It´s obvious really -- you will get worse and worse at meeting new people because you rarely allow it to happen and because you never get the opportunity to work at it and improve.
This is a sure fire recipe for stagnation with no hope for improvement and personal growth. It´s time to shake things up a little and find new and even fun ways to stop repeating the same old mistakes.Here is one tip for learning new ways of dealing with people -- find someone who seems to have a natural flair for creating rapport with people and follow that person around to observe him or her in action.
