7 Important Reasons To Master People Skills
- The better your people skills the easier it is to make new friends. You can effortlessly expand your circle of friends when you exude a charm and ease that attracts people to you.
- Do you want to be happy? Lasting happiness requires you to have mutually supportive relationships with family and friends. The greater the rapport you cultivate with the important people in your life the happier you will be.
- You will eliminate many of the problems that plague most people. The most stressful problems are usually lingering people problems. When you master the ability to resolve conflict and find win-win solutions you can enjoy much less day to day stress.
- Expand opportunities for personal and professional growth. The more people like and appreciate you the more likely you are to hear of new opportunities that can benefit you.The people you know are your greatest resource and many will be happy to help you move ahead as long as they like you.
- Neglect people skills and you will remain in a rut and out of touch. You will fall behind in your work and in your community because you will be the last to hear of new developments and initiatives. Life will become increasingly difficult and stressful because you are out of the loop.
- If you are neglecting people skills loneliness will grow as friends move on and you fail to connect with new people. Even if you have many people to talk to you could still lack a deep connection with people who understand you.
- Be yourself with those who care for you. Nothing compares with the enjoyment of freely expressing yourself with true friends without fear of criticism. It´s a wonderful relief from the dogma of a politically correct society.
Neglect communication skills and you limit your happinessand success. And by default you give others control overyour life. The only way to be the master of your destiny isto take charge. Know what you really want and have thecourage to stand up and be counted.
Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Meeting New People?
The ability to make a great first impression is a valuablelife skill that can help you to have all you want in life -in business and socially.
As you improve your people skills you can expect greaterhappiness, more success and an abundance of opportunitiesfor personal growth. That is, once you have identified andeliminated the most common barriers to great conversation.
Let´s identify the five common mistakes people make whenmeeting new people.
- Trying too hard to be liked. - Although we all want to be liked, ironically, the worst wayto win approval is to desperately need it. When you are tooneedy it repels people. They sense that you do not valueyourself and as a result they are more likely to treat youharshly.Thankfully there is a solution. The more you love andapprove of yourself the more others will tend to like you.People reflect back what you feel about yourself so make apoint of building your self-esteem and notice the positivechange in how pleased people are to meet you.
- Pretending to be something you are not. - In our efforts to impress new people it can be tempting tosuddenly reinvent ourselves so as to make a good firstimpression. This tactic rarely works because it is verydifficult to project a false persona unless you are a verygood actor.Very often all that happens is that you feel tense andunder pressure to play the role you have invented while theother person is unable to trust you. Invariably you fail tomake a good first impression and even risk making a fool ofyourself.It is far better to be natural and to express your truepersonality. When you do so with confidence others will bemuch more likely to accept and like you for who you reallyare.Think about it.It is much easier to like and respect someone who isgenuine and honest about who they are. In fact beingauthentic is one of the most attractive qualities you candevelop.
- Prejudging the other person. - We all do it at times. We take one look at someone anddecide before even talking to him what kind of person he is.Call it mind reading if you like but making suchassumptions and pre judements can severely affect how muchfun you have meeting new people.This attitude can stop you from approaching people, causeyou to miss out on making new friends and make it difficultfor new people to get your undivided attention when gettingto know you.A more practical approach is to allow each person theopportunity to speak before you decide what the person isall about. And make sure to switch off your assumptions fora moment to really listen to what is being said.
- Talking too much and not listeningSometimes because of nerves it can be tempting to keeptalking to ensure there are no awkward silences. The trouble with this habit is that eventually you stoplistening when the other person is speaking because you usethat times to think of what to say next. Let the other person share the load. Give her an opportunity to lead the conversation, listen closely towhat is said and then develop the conversation based onwhat she has contributed.When you do this, meeting new people is a lot lessstressful -- making conversation becomes a team effortrather than a struggle to keep talking.
Letting the other person control the conversation. When you meet someone for the first time it is reasonable to expect some breaks in the conversation until you discover topics of common interest.Remaining passive during these pauses means waiting for theother person to either drive the conversation forward orend it. If you adopt this attitude you are giving upcontrol of the conversation.
How To Win Friends And Influence People
Winning friends and influencing people depends on developing rapport and yet many people are getting it wrong...
there are at least four common rapport building mistakes: get these points wrong and you have no chance when it is time to win friends and influence people.
4 Common Mistakes:
- Pretending You Are Interested When You Are NotDo yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and the people you spend time with. If you are really not interested in the topic of conversation then say so.This is essential if you really want to win friends and influence people. If possible change the subject or simply postpone that particular conversation until another time.Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other person you will have to be less direct. In these situations it helps to find out right away what the other person wants or expects from you. Ask! The conversation will then become very relevant to both of you and maintaining interest will be a lot easier.
- Disliking The Other PersonIf you do not like the person you are talking to it will come across at some level. Ask yourself -- what could I like about this person?This will help put you in a better frame of mind. Look for things you have in common by asking yourself - how is this person like me? We all have something in common and commonality builds rapport. Look for it and you will find it.If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people while secretly disliking them you will never get that deep rapport you are looking for. In fact if your focus is on how much you dislike the person you will not even want rapport and instead you will be setting yourself up for conflict.
- Wanting Rapport With Everyone You MeetI made this mistake when I first learned the advanced communication skills I cover in my book. All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get rapport with anyone I met. So I did. And I recommend you do the same to a point.With one exception.There are some people you do not want to be getting deep rapport with. Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep resentment and hate for themselves and other people.Do you really want to feel the same way? If you get deep rapport you will feel some of the same feelings. While you may need to be effective around such people keep your focus on your real goal.Deal effectively with the individual and maintain your own emotional state regardless of how upset the other person is. Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing with negative people, manipulative people and others who will drain your energy.With these people, rely more on the weakest element of rapport - words. And manage your body language without following their lead.
- Not Speaking Their LanguageWe all have one primary sense whether it be visual, auditory or feelings based that dominates our perception of the world. You need to get good at spotting which modality other people use and match their world to get rapport quickly and easily.If someone is in a visual mode their words will be dominated by words that express what they see.
For example the car is red with a white soft top and a huge back seat.Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you start the engine and the CD player fills the car with deep, rich sounds that dance around your ears.Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the warm firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel.
If you use the wrong modality for the person you are talking to, it makes it harder for him to understand you. You then have to work harder to get rapport.When you speak to several people at once make sure you use visual, auditory and feeling words to ensure you appeal to everyone.
Make a point of paying attention to the dominant modality your friends and family use. And you may have a breakthrough when you finally discover why you are not getting deep rapport with some of them while more easily getting along with other people.
Neglect communication skills and you limit your happiness and success. And by default you give others control over your life.The only way to be the master of your destiny is to take charge. Know what you really want and have the courage to stand up and be counted.
