The 4 Secrets to Communication Magic
Do you know the four secrets that ensure great conversations?Here they are...
- Listen effectively - How many people do you know who truly listen to every word you say? Think about the people you enjoy being with the most. Isn´t it true they really pay close attention to you when you have something important to say?It´s a shame but very few people care enough to really listen attentively to the people in their life. They get so busy and caught up in their own problems that they are rarely completely present for anyone.When you develop superior listening skills you will be head and shoulders above most other people who know better but still don´t listen.Being a great listener is a sure fire way to make new friends, to make people feel deeply appreciated and to build deep rapport grounded in mutual trust and respect.
- Know your purpose - Quality communication requires you to know not only what you want to discuss but also why you want to talk about that topic. A clear and definite sense of purpose will guide you and help you to be flexible in your approach.Mediocre and poor standards of communication share a lack of purpose that destroys any potential for meaningful effective communication.You need a clear sense of purpose to ensure you persist and maintain flexibility when the dialogue goes off track. It is far too easy to let the conversation drift unless you hold in mind your purpose.Your purpose might be to win acceptance of an idea, to get a friend to do something for you or it might be to arrange a family day out.Whatever the nature of the discussion unless you know your purpose you are unlikely to achieve what you set out to get done.
- Share your insights and opinions - You are a unique individual with interesting personal viewpoints and a perspective all of your own. You must have the courage to express yourself as you are to truly be effective.The world does not need another clone of someone else. Sing your song or the whole world misses out on your special sound.The confidence to be yourself can be developed quickly and easily with the right guidance and appropriate strategies.And it is essential that you do so right away. It is far too easy to let another week, month or year slip by without any noticeable improvement in your life.Decide to share more of yourself and make a point of letting others know what you think and feel. Do so with rapport and you may well find that people are very interested to hear what you have to say.
- Make sure you have a common understanding - High quality communication is characterized by an ongoing dialogue that is punctuated by checks for understanding by all parties to the conversation.Each person must check that everyone involved is singing off the same hymn sheet or else the potential for misunderstanding and confusion is huge.The failure to check assumptions are valid and that the other people present know what you mean takes skill and constant attention to both verbal and non verbal cues.In many ways a free flowing conversation is very much like driving a car. Unless you are watching for feedback and aware of what is going on you will not be able to steer the conversation and keep it on track.
Now, bear in mind that confidence is the glue that binds these conversation tips together to ensure your success.If you feel good about yourself, if you feel confident andat ease others assume you to be confident and at ease. Theythen respect you more. And all because you decided torespect yourself.But, when you are fearful you give off different vibes andbecause you are avoiding people they tend to avoid you.
How To beat the force that holds you back
There is a powerful force that stops you from speaking up. It is the same force that prevents you from making your voice count and it is the reason why others ignore you or fail to appreciate what you have to offer.
In fact, this force is responsible for most of the lack of enjoyment, fulfillment and even the limited appreciation you experience in your day to day life.Why is this? Because this force keeps people away from you and stops you from connecting with people you want to know better.
Thankfully, there is a solution and those who know how have overcome the same negative force that holds you back. These people enjoy superior relationships, greater career success and a busy social life with friends who love and appreciate them.
If you ever feel like you need either permission to speak up or approval from someone before really being yourself then you know what I mean. It´s as if the rules you learned as a child are still governing your life: only speak when spoken to.
Unfortunately as adults we know what happens when we wait for permission to speak up. That´s right, someone else takes our place!Imagine for a moment what your life would be like if you could drop this tendency to hold yourself back. Your typical day would be so different.
Think of the fun you would have joking with people.Imagine all the new people you´d get to know and think about how good you would feel being an active participant rather than hiding on the periphery of the group.
Right now, it is as if an imaginary barrier is keeping you away from other people. And yes, it is imaginary, it is not real except in your mind.The people who connect with others, those who are all smiles and radiating warm confidence simply look at the world differently. The world is not different - it merely looks different to them.
You can join them when you drop the self imposed restrictions that are holding you back.Face your fears and drop them one by one. You do this by changing how you think - not by changing the world.
As soon as you feel differently about dealing with people others will notice the change in you and start treating you differently.That´s the funny thing about life - to change the world change yourself and the people in your world will follow your lead.
They respond to you by reflecting back how you feel about yourself.If you feel good about yourself, if you feel confident and at ease others assume you to be confident and at ease. They then respect you more. And all because you decided to respect yourself.
But, when you are fearful you give off different vibes and because you are avoiding people they tend to avoid you.
3 Simple Ways People Skills Guarantee Success
Want to know why excellent people skills are more important than ever before?
The way we live today more and more emphasis seems to be placed on career success, material gain and achievement.And in an increasingly complex world sometimes it seems that technology and rigid processes have become more important than the people they were set up to serve.
However there is one success secret that costs nothing. And we can all use it today to get ahead more quickly. That is about cultivating exceptional people skills in a way that puts you ahead of the crowd, in a way that respects and honors the people you deal with in your life.
Ironically when we neglect people skills the complex business and social infrastructure of our world can fall over in a moment.
Have you ever strolled into the store of a major nationwide retailer and walked through the multimillion dollar premises only to find nobody to serve you?
Have you ever phoned your bank and got a busy signal or even worse got cut off despite their huge customer service focused advertising campaigns.
How about in your own workplace?Have you ever done a fantastic job, stayed late to get it done and felt taken for granted? The corporate slogan about caring for the welfare of the staff rings hollow after this happens more than once.
On the other hand if you learn from the most successfulindividuals and companies you will find one trait in common -- excellent people skills.
Here are three ways to become more successful by developing your people skills:
- Learn from people who manage to remain cheerful in the face of massive challenges and stress.A good friend of mine was on the verge of losing his business last year but you would never have guessed it. He was always smiling and confident things would get better. He somehow managed to still treat his staff well even when he was worried about running out of money.By listening to him and watching him cope with extreme financial pressure I learned a lot. His belief that everything would work out kept him smiling even while facing some very dark hours.You too need to become better under pressure. Anyone can cope well when things are going well. It is only when you shine under pressure that you prove to yourself and the world that you are destined for better things.
- Exceptional people skills happen at the margin. - To go from average to good and from good to excellent is possible in a short time when you make incremental improvements each day.You do not need to change your personality or go on a two week course. Simply focus on listening skills, on non verbalcommunication and on building confidence.Read some good books, get advice from experts and apply what you learn. By making only very slight improvements where it matters most you will quickly develop exceptional people skills.The very best performers in sport and in business are onlymarginally better than their closest competitors and these slight margins make all the difference between winning and losing.Aim to make marginal improvements in your ability to communicate with confidence and your results will improve dramatically.Now would be a great time to get started!
- Say what you mean and mean what you say - Mark Twain famously commented that common sense is not that common and today sincerity and honesty are far from common either.You can stand out from the crowd by making a point of saying what you mean instead of saying what you think people want to hear.Insincerity is a game you can never win as you are always living in fear of getting caught out.
If you follow through on what you say people will respect you for your integrity and you will be known and appreciated as someone who can be counted on.Be unusual -- hold yourself to a high standard of integrity and commit to saying what you mean and doing what you say you will.When you live like this each day other people develop confidence in you and in what you say. And success in the world gets a whole lot easier with a team of people who believe in you paving the road ahead.In an increasingly competitive world it really is essential that you pay close attention to improving your communication skills.
If you keep on being average or mediocre you will miss out on both social and business opportunities. Whether you like it or not the winnings go to the same few people - those people everyone likes to talk to.It´s time for you to aim higher.
Decide to become comfortable meeting new people, decide to enjoy sharing your opinions and choose confidence instead of shyness.Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding away to increase your people skills.
Getting people to like you
Making friends and influencing people can sometimes seem like a game you cannot win. You want to be liked and somehow this gets in the way. The harder you try the more tense you get until it seems much easier to simply give up.
The great irony is that when you are carefree about whether people like you they tend to like you much more. Why? Because people pick up on the energy you exude. When you feel good about yourself they sense that and reflect this positive energy back to you.
On the other hand when you feel unsure, timid or nervous it makes others feel unsure about dealing with you. They sense that you are tense and avoid you.
Thankfully there are three simple steps to getting people to like you...
- RelaxBefore important social gatherings make a point of relaxing. Spend 20 minutes in meditation, listening to relaxing music or visualising how you want to perform when you meet people.By doing so you will feel more relaxed later on when you meet people because it will take the edge off the tension you usually feel.
- Decide to Like Yourself MoreAlthough this sounds kind of odd it is a very important principle to take on board. The more you like and appreciate yourself the more comfortable you will be when you introduce yourself to new people. When you feel good about yourself it is natural to smile and express yourself with confidence. People will warm to you. You will become the person everyone wants to meet. The easiest way to cultivate this attribute is to see yourself as a warm, charismatic person.
- Be Carefree - It is extremely important to let go of needing everyone to like you. This puts you under too much pressure to be all things to all people. While it is good to get along with most people don't demand that everyone has to like you.The real issue here is the fear of rejection. If you do not deal with this fear you will never be able to let your personality shine.
How To Be Confident Even When Others Treat You Harshly
There are times when others will treat you harshly even if you don´t deserve such treatment.And the resulting lack of self-confidence is sometimes made worse by the way you talk to yourself...
It does no good to think negative thoughts about yourself and admonish yourself for "saying the wrong thing" to someone or feel that you've messed up again in your relationship with others.
This type of thinking only further reinforces the fact that you have little or no self-confidence.You are someone special. You are smart. You are interesting and appealing to others.You have a message for the world, and you need to learn to get the message out.
A few suggestions here can help you project the image you want to world to see.
- It's not always about you. Maybe the person you think slighted you has had a bad day, or heaven forbid, maybe the person just isn't nice.You can turn the situation around by asking some general, interesting questions about the person. This may bring the person out of the bad mood and who knows, you might put a little sunshine into someone else's life for a change.
- Quit taking everything so personally. Accept the fact that some people just aren't socially adept, and they may have even less self-confidence than you do.Don't let someone else spoil your day. Don't respond to negative feelings and above all, don't let yourself be provoked. Think positive to keep your emotions in check. Negative thoughts sap your energy and serve no purpose.
- Do you think you're the only one out there who gets rejected? Think again! There are selfish people who only think "me, me, me" to the exclusion of everyone else.Even the most successful people are rejected (singer/songwriter Rod Stewart was rejected several times because his voice was "too gravelly and coarse." He didn't give up and today is rich and famous.)
- Don't give up. The old saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try again" holds true for the person with no self-confidence.If things don't go your way, come up with an alternate plan. If that's not accepted (remember, it not about you; it's about an idea) keep trying.
- Stop focusing on yourself and dwelling on your perceived shortcomings all the time. Focus instead on your goals and what you have to do to achieve them.Stop talking about yourself all the time. Other people get tired of hearing about you constantly. Concentrate on a genuine conversation about other people and other topics.
How to Join the Ranks of the Super Successful
What can highly successful people tell you about the importance of developing superior people skills? Superior people skills are the defining characteristic of all highly successful men and women...
When you can get rapport with anyone you meet and cause others to listen to your every word - you will find people keen to help you and willing to follow your lead.
There are at least a dozen key aspects of superior people skills that achievers and winners use to get ahead. You need to master each one.
- Be persistent with style. You can get a lot more done at work when you have the tenacity to deal with difficult people without losing your cool. Never give up.
- Exude a magnetic charm that makes people want to help you. In stores and restaurants staff will go out of their way to serve the few customers who know how to make them feel special. The same applies at home and at work.
- Have the courage to ask for more. When you are working hard without getting the rewards you deserve you need to stand up and be noticed. Successful people know the power of asking.
- Laugh at rejection. When you no longer worry about people saying no to you, everything changes. You can talk to any individual in authority as an equal, and stand up for yourself with confidence.
- Talk with clarity. Do this and people will know exactly what you want - and give it to you. No more beating around the bush.
- Drop the need for approval. When you let go of the need to be liked you are more likely to get it. This is one of the great ironies of life.
- Start conversations with confidence. This is a crucial skill that opens doors socially and in business. When you do this well you can expect greater success.
- Become a great listener. As a result you will spot subtle cues that tell you the key points in any negotiation. This is valuable information that can help you drive a great bargain.
- Never be intimidated by others. When all your communication is grounded in solid strategies that work you will have a pervasive inner confidence and strength. You will come across as someone to be respected and listened to.
- Quickly deal with people problems. You can develop great flexibility when it comes to resolving disagreements and differences of opinion. This will save you lots of time and heart ache.
- Stop feeling self-conscious. Get clear about what you really want. When you focus on that in a special way, your attention will be on the other person. It then becomes impossible to freeze because of nerves.
- Master small talk. This allows you to build rapport with anyone you meet and even make people eager to help you. Think of all the interesting and wonderful people you will meet.
